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So, I guess in one of my previous posts I had a link to a couple websites I’ve used to check if a movie might be triggering or not.  On of those links is sadly dead. There is a “new” link that is carrying on for that site  http://jameslandrith.com/triggers/

Been busy updating a few other blogs so if anyone leaves a comment it might take me a bit to get back but I will try to be better about replying. I’m actually not sure how I missed that comment since usually everything goes to my email and I come check in…odd. So yeah, leave a comment if you wish.

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A while back I caught a repeat episode of “This American Life” on NPR called “Babysitting.  It was the end story “Yes there really is a baby” that really caught me.  I just felt like sharing the link to the episode here since you can still listen to it (it will only play the full episode though) here.  While it wasn’t really triggering to me it was really intense.  I have heard so many mother stories that feel just like that one and I think there are some similar feeling there with my own mother story…and I’m sure my mom would hear hear feelings with her mom in that story.

Well, I’ve had to put talking in any depth about the deeper mom issues on hold for now.

Right now my prime goal has become to get out of here ASAP. With money & the economy the way it is, I’ve really reached the end of my rope. So my therapist said she’d be willing to make that the focus right now and do whatever she could (suggestion wise) to help me find resources etc. I’m not too comfortable discussing how desperate the situation here has become in this blog but, it’s pretty bad.

It’s difficult to leave a situation like this. I think there is still some of my subconscious that might be making it difficult to get out and I think some of that is being affected by a lot of my mom’s unacknowledged subconscious issues about me (and my brother) moving out.

I am not sure what is going on with my brother at the moment really but he’s done a sort of 180 and has become much more relaxed. So today he was really awesome and sympathetic to me struggling with being in between/out of work.  So I have a few more things to try and a bit of a boost to my motivation right now from that and my therapist.

I thought I’d up date because I see so many searching for stuff about this.

It’s hard for me to talk about my familial relationships. Bleh…

I had another sort of trigger today and I finally wrote out what I wanted to say I think. Tomorrow I’ve got my shrink appt and I’m taking what I wrote in. It’s about my mom. How I feel like she kind of tainted my ability to just be a little kid. I had all these emotions writing that and in the end I think I just wound up very confused. I felt like maybe it’s just me, there is something wrong with me that I felt so hurt by the things she said. I just really feel like I wasn’t allowed to be innocent though, I had these grown up things thrown at me. Bleh…

watch me delete this…

But anyway, if you are searching for answers or just company with this crap…your not alone and there is some help out there (in terms of informational sites etc.) I’ll be posting more later on. I’m just a little slow posting as I get comfortable. I can always be reached through the contact section too and I can maybe give you a few resources or leads faster that way.

This song was created by Annie Lennox about HIV/AIDS in Africa but the message fits a lot of things.

Shout out to ALL my fellow RAINN bloggers! Even if I didn’t get to comment or talk with you, was thinking of you lots!

To ALL the bloggers whooohooo ya made it! Some truely great causes out there. Hope to get some time to check more of them out.

Thanks to all those that sponsored everyone!

A big thanks to JL for everything!  And another big thanks to Chelsea from RAINN!!! A huge thanks to RAINN!

To my fear of the dawn…F’ YOU, TAKE A HIKE!

I survive another night to greet the day!!!

1 out of every 6 American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape)

About 3% of American men — or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime

Every 2 minutes another sexual assault occurs

80% of sexual assault and rape victims are under the age of 30

College age women are 4x more at risk to be sexually assaulted

Around 2 out of 3 rapes were by someone the victim KNEW

60% of rapes/Sexual assaults will go unreported

Help continue to give victims some place to turn, help keep up the education and policy change on sexual assault

www.RAINN.org!

I first heard this one back when I was at school just as I was starting up therapy again.  The line about “Hurts like brand new shoes” stuck with  me.

I love this song.  I first heard it when I was going though a major rough patch with the PTSD.  It seemed to really capture some of those symptoms for me.

Although right now I have my setting on play all – random but I swear it’s playing all my oldies 😛

Which isn’t horrible but I like having a mix (and it’s playing a lot of stuff several times).  I dunno.

I Can See the Light of a Clear Blue Morning

Watch it rain again! haha!

I was really thankful for it though last night, it really cooled off things.  I’ll just be super sad if it rained later in the day because yesterday was super nice for quite a while  (I think it was just the heat coming off my computer making it worse).